You cannot NOTcommunicate

We are always communicating, in fact, we communicate in ALL possible ways and always, whether we want it or not!

The presupposition “You cannot communicate”, I first learned when I was doing my NLP Practitioner Training a few years ago.

We are always in communication

If we are always communicating, then how do we do it?

There are three areas we tend to communicate: through language (verbal), non-verbal (physiology) and intonation (how we say things).

When we look at each one of these areas individually, we speak on a regular basis, we use the language we know to express our ideas, feelings, needs and wants. Though, sometimes we use the “wrong” word and the meaning of the whole sentence changes and we are misunderstood. Causing awkward moments and possibly costing us more than we anticipated.

Does it sound familiar?

The non-verbal aspect is what some people call body-language, what we are saying with our body, face, eyes, etc.

Just imagine you are having a conversation with a man/woman you find attractive, they ask you if you “fancy” them, your face goes beetroot red and you start sweating as you reply emphatically NO!

Would they believe you? Is your body in congruence with what is being said?

Are you “believable” enough?

Lastly, the intonation of the words we choose, if we say we are confident in a very low and shy voice, would we sound confident?

Next time you have a conversation I invite you try it out for yourself. Say things that are incongruent with your body language and with the way you say it. (Please, try this out in a safe environment, as it could potentially upset people)

Equally, reinforce what you are saying with your body and the intonation of what you are saying.

How can this help you?

If you are like me, I imagine you are wondering how this can help you?

We are social animals, even if you don’t see yourself as the social type of person, you are.

If you don’t believe me, we do it that often that if we aren’t talking to someone we talk to ourselves! And boy, do we do this all the time or what?

So, going back to the benefits of knowing how to communicate effectively, which has been the main and core message of this blog are:

• Enhancing and improving communication: being congruent with your words and actions.
• Establishing rapport in half the time: when you are in alignment with your words and actions people feel comfortable around you, they start to get to know you, like you and trust you way faster than when you aren’t congruent with what you say and what you do.
• Improves intuition: the more you practice communicating congruently, the easier you can “read” people, you learn to listen to people, what they say and how they say.
• Improves your listening skills: I am sure you have heard the phrase; we have 2 ears and one mouth for a reason… well that becomes more apparent when we learn to communicate better.
• You are more present: when you know and realise you are always communicating, whether you want it or not, you start to be more present in your life, your communications and for people, giving you results and relationships you never thought were possible.

Becoming a better communicator isn’t difficult it takes practice and commitment.

I hope you have enjoyed today’s post and please let me know in the comments box of any experiences you’ve had when you’ve communicated effectively or when you weren’t congruent with what you were saying.

Till next time, with all my love,

Jorge